Friend Of The Bereaved

I've been trying to do what I can for Kathryn and her family, but it doesn't seem enough. I keep having these moments when I feel inadequate.

Yesterday was the funeral. Bruce & I arrived early, at Kathryn's invitation, to join her at the family lunch. It became slightly awkward because the rest of the family wasn't sure why we were there. Each time somone asked who we were, I was friendly and explained that we were invited. But after the fourth time we were asked, I started to feel like we shouldn't be there.

Everyone was very nice to us. No one ever said anything that made me feel like they wanted us to leave. It was just my usual worry that I might be somehow disapproved of. I hate how much I struggle with that.

Bruce tried to reassure me. Kathryn assured me that she invited me and it didn't matter what the rest of the family thought. Una was exceptionally kind and welcoming to us. But my silliness finally got the better of me and Bruce reluctantly agreed to go with me to the auditorium and wait for the service to start. So I left Kathryn alone at a time when she had specifically requested my presence.

After the funeral, I felt like I failed again. We had made an extensive plan for Bruce to get Kathryn's family home to Wills Point and for KT and I to get Kathryn home to bed. She had been barely napping for about 5 days straight.

However, a casual friend of Kathryn's was wanting to do something nice. It was a generous offer, but at an inappropriate time. I tried to assertively say no to the friend, but she was insistant and I caved. It ended up delaying Kat's much needed sleep by several hours. I've been very frustrated with my inability to be assertive enough to keep this from happening. I feel like it was my responsibility to handle this and I did a very poor job of it.

Today I blew it again. Kathryn came to my place to pick up her luggage and drive on to see her mother again. When she got here, she asked me to drive her to Wills Point. Instead of immediately responding "Of Course!", I hesitated. I was sorting through the legistics in my mind and the hesitation made Kathryn cry. She felt like she had imposed too much. How can there be too much? How can I ever do enough in a situation like this? I explained my hesitation. She had actually already worked out a ride home for me. But I still feel like I let her down once again.

I tried to redeem myself some today. I worked on the family computer a little and escorted Kat's sister to the vet to have the family dog put down (for very legitimate reasons that I won't go into.) This turned out to be more emotional for the sister than I think she expected. I'm actually glad I was there with her.

I know that I am the only one who thinks so critically of me. I know I'm probably being ridiculous. I just want to make things better for this family and there's really no way to do that at all. I think it's the same helplessness that we are all feeling.